I have been thinking once again about why on I’m on this path of trying to become a priest in the C of E. I don’t no whether this is a self checking mechanism or just lack of confidence self induced paranoia. So I found myself asking God for confirmation of my calling before I held the Alive at five service last sunday 6th March. Then during the service completely forgot about me and my worries and just got on with it. On the drive home however, I began thinking through the event reflecting on what went well and not so well. I then began to feel an enormous sense of satisfaction of ease and normality. Sadness too as this service is my only outlet of actively doing something. With a smile, I realised that in these floaty thoughts and feelings was God confirming yet again the path I am on. My peace returned.
One of the hymns I chose was Bunyans Pilgrim Song which had been popping into my head the best part of the week before. To my delight and inner smile, the song was chosen again by the priest leading the following Ash Wednesday service. I guess my friend may thought me a bit mad when a gave out a little chuckle as the hymn was announced. So perhaps that’s me, “He who would valiant be ’gainst all disaster, Let him in constancy follow the Master.” I just remembered the previous service I lead was very nearly a disaster too as nothing went right. There again perhaps it did as my impassioned talk about ignoring God has seemed to be the point most remembered.
Another two other syn-chronic things happened during the ash service. I have been indulging in my pagan side through listening to pagan music and reading a fantastic book by pagan T. Thorn Coyle, titled Kissing the Limitless. She writes about learning to love all out parts, honouring them and bringing them together. She speaks of the God within, God as the great All or Zero. To her there is no separation between herself and God. I find much of what she rights correlates to Christian thinking and so I guess that’s why I am so comfortable with her work and ideas.
The synchronous part I was talking about happened during the priest’s sermon. His theme was about loving all our parts as nothing is hidden from God. This I knew but he went on as to say that by loving all our parts we become more aware of who we are and so the better our work with Christ becomes. These are the same sentiments T Thorn Coyle presents in her book “kissing the limitless”. I was gobsmacked but had an inkling something was going to happen in the service when a tiny moth flew out of my hymn book when first opened. Moth is the name I gave myself while working in circle with pagans.
So I guess, God is telling me He’s ok with all my parts, especially the pagan part which I find much spiritual nourishment. So if He is then so should I. I know that God herself is the one I follow, she is my master.