a month on

Wow, a month gone by. Since the last time I wrote I have had a birthday, lost more weight and started a paper journal as requested to by my Spiritual Director (SD).

I’m now into buying clothes, shoes, cosmetics and general grooming. Yes i’m even whitening my teeth and looking at Gucci sunglasses!  Am I turning into a Bimbo? I do hope not but one thing is for sure, I am soo enjoying myself by looking after myself.  Its feels good.

Tomorrow I see my SD and DDO. Not at the same time! I have lost a stone in weight since I last saw her in Feb, so that should get a nice comment from her. I have my skinny red herring black jeans ready after a superb sale buy last week.  Had manicure last Thursday too and later I might have my eyebrows threaded.


The Lull

Time to pause

Time to pause

I want each blog I write to be meaningful and so that prevents me from writing anything at times.  Then I realised that even apparent nothingness has meaning.  You see, after the amazing moments of spiritual intensity of the past few weeks, there is now the lull.  There always tends to be a lull, a pause. Its kinda like the spirit resting with whats its been given. To hold it, merge with it and perhaps just grow from the nourishment.

Of course, after a period of intensity , its easy to panic that God is no longer talking or listening. Such is our human modern need to be constantly filled with new things.  Yet lull is natural. Everything does it. A time to just stop and be.  I find it with my weight loss.  I can loose several pounds for several weeks and then the body just stops as if it needs time to adjust to the dramatic change.

So, let our souls and spirits adjust to the growing divine spark living inside us. Take a breath. Be still. Smile quietly.


DDO upcoming meeting

I’m on holiday under canvas. Outside is blowing a storm with torental rain. Yet I am happy!

I got an email today from my DDO inviting me to see them on the 12th of August. Hopefully we will talk about a placement where I can experience leadership in a church. I also wonder if I will be given the go ahead to attend another BAP in June or if it has been decided I should wait the 2 yrs.

Still, I have renewed excitement about being called and caring for a parish. This must be a good sign.

Reading and listening to Christians has been very exciting and helpful too!

More books to read

My DDO, Georgina, has spotted  I have a weak area. Its mission. Somehow I can’t stop immediatley thinking of ‘in your face’ evanglical  ‘follow christ or be dammed’ type of spreading the gospel when i hear the word mission. I forget the stuff i know that actually mission can be anything from sharing life stories to breaking bread together.  So she’s armed me with the following:

Journeying Out: Ann Morisy,
Mission-shaped Church: Church Planting and Fresh Expressions of Church in a Changing Context,
Mission-shaped Parish: Traditional Church in a Changing World.

And she wants me to get into praying the daily office for morning and evening prayer and so I now have

Common Worship: Daily Prayer  and Common Worship: Lectionary Advent 2009 to Advent 2010.

But I have found these are online. So I’ve set up my google calender with morning and evening appointments as alarms to spur me into action and in the appointment subject lines  are links to the online common worship prayer for morning or evening accordingly. This means I can access the office anywhere and any time! Go me!

College Open days

I realise these blog entries are not in the right date order! I’m just catching up here

30th Jan Saw Ripon Cuddeson college ! Maybe it was the cold or the small rooms or the sense of tension in the air rising from the students/ staff but something didn’t feel right. That and the overwhelming feeling families with children were more looked after than single residential folk, i dunno. But i don’t think i’ll be going there. I hate eating in cramped conditions too! We were all jammed in so much so that I had to wait for the people behind me to move before i could! In any case it was a huge reality check!

6th Feb Visited Westcott college in Cambridge. Much bigger site and less claustrophic than Ripon although no stunning country views! But the day was filled with laughter, awesome worship albeit far more Catholic than I am used to and very warm , friendly students who went out of their way to say hello and share their time. The staff were the same too. The meal and dinning room was also much more civilised. Meal times are come when your ready. I signed up for an interiew there and then.  I saw two wonderful people who pleasantly surprised me with knowledge of pagan stuff! In fact i was told I could do my dissertation on the druid / celtic christian worship crossover!

Almost a week later I had a letter from Westcott offering me a conditional place which I have taken up.  Cambridge is a bueatiful place and I can’t wait to study there!

Westcott house

Two more DDO meetings and a Bishop, plus Refs

I have seen the DDO two or three times since the last blog post.  They have mostly been about her writing her report on me for the BAP.

Oh yeah, my BAP date is 10th May. I guess I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with the new level of realness to be write.

I’ve also had to reread my reg form to check if anything more needs adding or changing since i wrote it last July.  Its now been sent off.  I’ve also had to think about the presentation I am to give at the BAP with suitable discussion. I thought of the theme first (sacred space) then the questions before thinking through the presentation itself.

I saw Bishop David of Dudley last wednesday.  He’s a lovely chap and I was surprised that my thinking is quite similar to his.  His questions were very deep and complicated.  I wasn’t sure if I had answered them well but he was said he was still happy to sponsor me!

My refs have been requested from the designated people I listed.  They were each given a 20 questions complete. All of them bar my vicar were really stressed by this and asked for my help as they could only answer the questions after talking with me.  So i now have a copy of each one apart from the vicar’s as he didn’t comply with the request and did his own thing.

DDO Meeting 9th December 09

I should have worte this right after seeing the DDO but events transpired against it. So a very sketchy report. Funny, I still feel inhibited to talk openly about my not so regular spiritual thoughts… even here on a locked blog.

I met with the  new DDO, Revd Dr Georgina Byrne, and she’s pretty awesome. She said I was her first candidate to put through and really as the meeting progressed, I realised I was helping her through it as much as she was helping me. I feel quite confident with her that I can talk and more importantly be myself.

I was quite intrigued by one of her comments which was “we’d like to keep you in the diocese” when refereing to after grad posting. That may be a mandatory statement but still interesting non the less.

I’m seeing her again next week on the 6th Jan. I may get an actual BAP date then but she did gestimate the BAP would be March/April. Surely it can’t be during Holy week?

Another turn of events which quite tickles me is that my parents have started to say “When you go to Uni in september”. Its nice they have accepted my path and encouraging me on. Not that I ever doubted they would but I still feel the need to say IF not WHEN! Lolz!  I’ll keep my seed of doubt, it feels right and proper to do so.

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